I Can Still Worry

I got a text yesterday that my family member go home safe, no verbal contact yet. He told me before leaving jail that he has a lot to do once he got back so I’m trying to be patient. He is younger and like a son to me when he is not actually my son. However, he is still a few hours drive from where I live.

I wonder if we’ll still have the talks like we did while he was there or will he become so wrapped up in the outside world that I will need to take the backseat for a while? He’s got to get paperwork and appointments set up right now so I understand, but yet I worry. I have so many questions; what did it feel like to finally walk out? What did you finally decide to eat for your first meal out? How did it feel to see home again after so long? Sleeping in a quiet house, were you able to sleep? But most of all, how does it feel to know you have a place to call home still and have love surround you? I love him dearly and never blinked at his innocence. I do believe we have a corrupt system that has more greased palms than clean ones and I think he helped someone pay their mortgage or car payment or vacation. I don’t blame everyone else as someone has to put themselves in a situation to be questioned, but I do believe in wrong place at the wrong time and that was him.

Hopefully tonight will be the night that I hear from him and get to ask him my questions, but I don’t want to push either. I know it’s going to take a lot and I don’t want to be added pressure right now. How am I going to get through this? Oh, that is selfish and even though I feel it, that doesn’t make it right. I have to wait for him to be ready to call me but I truly hope he doesn’t forget.

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About meinaboxblog

I like to think I'm a normal everyday woman but my mind tells me otherwise. I fight my battles and post them here. I don't tell my family and real life friends that I write here. This is my own little way of having "someone" to talk to. My own little therapy session if you will. I welcome comments and opinions but I have enough negativity to last a lifetime already . My world is changing and now more than ever I need support and encouragement but I'm still too afraid to let anyone know that it's me writing here.