Figuring Out My Stress

I deal with anxiety, have for about 7 years now. Although I’ve learned how to bring it to a level I can get through, it wasn’t always that way. I still have panic attacks but am better at knowing when one is coming on unless it’s one of those great surprises that happen every once in a while. It does take more for them to happen but when they do and they surprise me, they’re usually doozies.

Things that set me off are still a mystery to me because there’s no rhyme or reason as to when they show up. I know that work has an effect on me and I try different things to help me. Recently we’ve put a bird feeder in front of my window so that I can watch the birds during my shift. It’s helped a lot and I’ve seen so many birds that I’ve never seen before. They’re beautiful and I try to take pictures but the screen makes the pictures look a little dark. But either way, I still enjoy watching them fly in and squawk at each other and then fly away.  I’ve also started putting a live feed of the National Aquarium in DC on my desktop. I put it in the corner so I can watch it and how the wildlife interacts with each other. My favorite is Calypso, a large turtle that lost a flipper due to frostbite. I used to watch this feed on my last job to help calm me down and now I have brought it home with me to watch while doing this job. I think visiting the National Museum might be a bucket list item for me. I can’t right now since I have the two older cats, I could never leave them alone and would never leave them with strangers, they’re my babies.

Meditation was something I tried before my granddaughter came along. But then I’m like her mom so there is little time to do things anymore that doesn’t include her. I love her to pieces and wouldn’t change it. Sometimes it feels like she is my only reason for being here and yet she’s still too young to realize it.

The bird feeder has helped a lot, except when the cats sit in the window, then I can only see the tops of the two feeders I have on the pole. I never realized how many Cardinals we have here. I’ve been trying to identify the birds that I’ve never seen before and it’s so interesting. But it’s so funny to watch my cats heads, they turn like watching a tennis match as the squirrels are running on the ground also while picking up seeds that the birds drop. I think they watch the squirrels and random cats more than they do the birds. My girls are older, 11 years old this past May, so we call them grandma kitties. Putting a perch in the window for them was completely for them but now the birds were for me but it’s more like tv for them too.

I want to find a day that I can just sit outside and take real pictures of them and not through the screen. But I’m not sure how to do that yet without having my granddaughter running through and scaring them away. But that’s a funny problem to have so I’ll take that one.



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About meinaboxblog

I like to think I'm a normal everyday woman but my mind tells me otherwise. I fight my battles and post them here. I don't tell my family and real life friends that I write here. This is my own little way of having "someone" to talk to. My own little therapy session if you will. I welcome comments and opinions but I have enough negativity to last a lifetime already . My world is changing and now more than ever I need support and encouragement but I'm still too afraid to let anyone know that it's me writing here.