Why does the week go so fast when you’re taking a day off more than your regular days off? When you’re working it’s like time stands still, add in working at something you don’t like. I keep thinking that one day I’ll stumble across what makes me happy in work but I’m still looking and trying to stumble.
I’ve been thinking more and more about what makes me happy and personally it’s music and writing that touch me. But then I lock in on what I need for my family. My house is falling apart and if I try to take time out to discover what makes me happy and how to survive while doing that, then we don’t survive now.
I sometimes think that all I need is a day off to look harder for something that would make me happy while I search more of myself. But then that “day off” comes around and I find myself getting the oil changed, grocery shopping and catching up on laundry. Next thing you know the day is over. And at that point, I just don’t want to go to sleep because it makes the next day come even faster when I have to go back to work.
Yes, I am blessed to be able to work and have a job. I remember being laid off in ’09 and being out of work for 6 months. I was lucky enough to get unemployment but it wasn’t anything near what I used to earn. I learned how to coupon and save along with how to organize my job search. At any rate, any job that offered, I would have taken it no matter what it was so I got looped into my last job where I stayed for 7 years. When that company started to get set up for sale then it started going downhill. Miserable is an understatement when I found the company I work for now. It sounded like something that fit right in with who I am. Remembering the interview and how relaxed everyone was, then when the manager interviewed me, he seemed to have the same views on customer service as I do. I thought it was perfect and I could do this while figuring out what my soul wants.
Since then that manager has left the company, it’s a growing company and that’s okay, a little scary but okay. They give us shares and my imagination has dreams of the company selling and going public so that overnight I have the money I need to either fix the house or move and research what I need to feed my soul.
Family is definitely needed, without family there is no life for me. Dreams of being happy, truly happy seem to take over my thoughts more and more now. The next step, I just don’t know and it has to be safe because the cost of the risk isn’t just about myself.