Am I Forgotten?

I wrote a while back about having a relative that was incarcerated. He’s since been released, not quite a month ago, maybe three weeks. It was bothering me that he wouldn’t be able to adapt to all the changes since being away. Although it was five years, to us that it a lot but I know others have been away much longer. Our family has never experienced this and well, we have our judgement on the judicial system and how they like to fill up the private facilities. But I’m drifting here.

Since he’s been home, I’ve only talked to him once on the phone and then I initiated a Skype call with him. We used to talk every week, twice a week like clockwork. It’s bothering me that I don’t hear from him as much now. In no way do I want to make things harder on him but I also want to make sure he’s okay.

His mother said he’s enrolled in college classes and this is his first week. She said he’s still getting used to things and deciding his next steps so I guess this would take a lot of his time. He seems nervous about going places, he told me once that he doesn’t want to take a chance on someone thinking he did something when he didn’t; he’s lost complete faith in the honesty of people in general and I can’t say that I blame him for that. I know everyone with someone in jail will say that they didn’t do it, but he honestly did not do it and was just a kickback to the private facility that they placed him in. Government money pays more when those beds are filled. We didn’t know this before it happened to our family but now we do.

Okay, I got sidelined and need to get back to where I was. I miss him and he’s actually closer than he was before. But he doesn’t call anymore so I don’t get to know how he’s feeling or what concerns he has anymore. Granted, we would sometimes have conversations before where we didn’t know what to say but at least we could hear that we were doing okay or having a bad day or something. Now I have “radio silence” and I don’t like it. Do you think he realizes what he’s doing or do you think the days are just running together for him?

I talked to his mother this past weekend and well, it’s been an adjustment having him back in the house when it’s only been her and her husband for this long. Maybe him taking the college course will help and she will feel like he’s doing his part, not that I know that’s what she’s thinking. But I would have to think that she is worried about him having a real grip on reality after having so many dreams while in there. Dreams, when even in the free world, can take over someone’s reality. So just think of being locked up in a room where you have no outlet to the real world except television and books if someone sends them to you. The dreams even a bigger reality due to the need to escape where you are mentally in there.

I guess right now I feel a bit of a prisoner, from his life now that he’s home. Just not sure if I’m being uncaring for not giving him the time to adjust or if it’s real in my head that he’s forgotten about me a bit now that he’s home. Does he not need me anymore or is he just overwhelmed. I don’t know whether to be hurt from no contact or to be mad at myself for being selfish.

Maybe I’ll wait another week to see what happens. Maybe he will get settled in with his class schedule and then we can talk a bit. I hope I’m wrong and that he’s just tied up with everything he has to do and just isn’t done with me.

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About meinaboxblog

I like to think I'm a normal everyday woman but my mind tells me otherwise. I fight my battles and post them here. I don't tell my family and real life friends that I write here. This is my own little way of having "someone" to talk to. My own little therapy session if you will. I welcome comments and opinions but I have enough negativity to last a lifetime already . My world is changing and now more than ever I need support and encouragement but I'm still too afraid to let anyone know that it's me writing here.