Changes

Last night seemed like it would never end, sleep would never start and yet here I find myself sitting in the dark with just the light of the computer starting my workday before the sun has even thought about rising.

Our evening started as normal, I had finished work for the day and dinner was already waiting. We enjoyed our meal and then my granddaughter and son sat down to play a game while I watched one of my addictive reality shows. They finished and she got up in my lap to settle for the evening and talk to me about her dolls and their big adventures that day.

A little before 7:30 pm, we heard at first the sound of possible fireworks but then another round came and it was more sporadic than the first so we knew it was gunfire. It was close enough to be outside the window. My son called the police but they said they already had multiple calls so we just hunkered down and waited. Suddenly police lights and a helicopter sound seemed to be all over the place. Of course, we never go outside when anything like this is happening and lately it seems to be happening more and more.

We waited and watched as cars were turned away from going to the end of our street and a few “crazy” people actually walked down there but again seemed to be turned away. I then got a phone call from my neighbor who didn’t seem to know much more than I did except she took refuge in her bathroom. We talked a little while watching the lights for any serious movement but nothing.

I finally decided it was safe enough to go outside and look when I saw the news truck pull up in front of our house and take their camera with them. Needless to say, they weren’t at their truck by the time I made it outside and I wasn’t brave enough to go one house over to the lights, so I stayed back and watched. Police tape up was up around the stop sign and down the road while more police cars seemed to be closing off the far side of the road also. But still, no one really knew what had happened.

We decided to wait until the news aired in order to find out and sad as it is, someone lost their life. It was a shootout in the backyard of the house that connects with my backyard. I remember being a kid and playing with the girl that lived there back then, but I don’t know who lives there now. Every now and then we would hear music or people talking loudly but I never thought they sounded like people who got involved in that. Yes, the neighborhood I grew up in is not what it used to be. Yes, we are desperately wanting to move but money is the main factor in our way. We could sell our house and yet it still wouldn’t be enough money to move.

My sisters are worried for us and with good reason as I worry for us also. I’m just making the bills so there is no real extra to add. I’ve looked for things to sell but I’ve never been a materialistic person in that way so the things that I do have only seem to have sentimental value. One of my sisters thought I should start a Go Fundme account but I don’t know if that’s something I should do or not. To publicly air my dirty laundry where everyone knows who I am? Writing it here, no one knows me enough to call me or say “why didn’t you say something”. Is this just my pride getting in the way of asking for help and do I even know how to ask for help?

No, it’s not safe here, not even as I sit here is it safe. I have a granddaughter to think about and I don’t know what to do really. I wish my Mom were here so I could ask her.

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About meinaboxblog

I like to think I'm a normal everyday woman but my mind tells me otherwise. I fight my battles and post them here. I don't tell my family and real life friends that I write here. This is my own little way of having "someone" to talk to. My own little therapy session if you will. I welcome comments and opinions but I have enough negativity to last a lifetime already .