Watching a Train Wreck

You know how people watch something horrible and they say it’s like watching a train wreck, where you can’t take your eyes off of it even though you know what’s going to happen? I’m in that situation with my younger brother and the person he’s decided to marry. My family is in agreement that this is not good for him but he seems to have blinders on.

We’ve watched her take him away from his family as he no longer visits like he used to or calls anymore. He never makes himself available for family events or cookouts like he used to. He always says he’s busy and then you find he’s posting on Facebook with pictures of her and her grandchildren. He tells me he’s broke but then posts the dinners that she and her grandchildren go out with him too.

My brothers’ son has high functioning autism with asbergers syndrome also. He’s truly needed his parents but since they’ve separated, their worlds have only revolved around themselves. Although since he was a baby, he was so close to my mother and then when she passed he stayed very close to me. I remember him riding in the truck with me, I think he was about 8 years old and he asked me about angels. He was trying to tell me that he thought he saw my mother. But neither my brother or his mom had heard any of this. My nephew has always come to me to talk about things that are important to him.

He comes to me with what he feels is a horrible situation or something that gets him truly upset. To someone without autism, these things wouldn’t make them as upset or afraid, but to him at that moment, it’s the only thing that matters. To this day he still confides in me and I take his words very seriously because of how he sees them. His parents do not seem to see this for some reason.

They have been separated for about three years and divorced not too long after that. Each one of them seemed to think they had to outdo the other when it comes to living their lives. A childish game of “my life is better than yours” with my nephew being pushed aside. They both talk a big game when it comes to him, that they care and they do what they have to. But she’s always with her sisters’ children, babysitting or at their soccer games and he started woman shopping the minute he had a chance.

This is the part I don’t understand, out of seven children, I was the one to stay back and take care of my mother. She had many illnesses over the years that only grew worst until finally, she passed. My mother was raising my other nephew from my younger sister and at that time I was like her back up. My sister would never have let me take fully over so we did it like this. But when mom passed, I took over raising him and my younger sister went out and did her own thing. I gave up dating, yes I did date before, I gave up any social time I had and dove right into raising a 15-year-old boy on my own. I took on a run-down house and a lawsuit where the state tried to take the house from us saying that they wanted payment for my mothers’ dialysis treatment or they wanted the house in order to pay for it. I cashed out my 401k and hired an attorney so we would have a roof over our head. Fast forward, he became a father at the age of 22 and fought to keep his daughter when the mother was found unfit (mentally) and ran away. I then again cashed in my 401k and paid for the attorney. Our first attorney took off with the down payment but the second attorney did the job we needed.

The reason I tell you all of this is because this is how my mother raised us. You take care of family and you are there for them. You don’t have children and leave them and no, we don’t know what happened with my younger sister and her natural mother instincts…they just were not there. But she comes around every now and then with months in between. She used to come around when she needed something but that has stopped. My nephew is older and so he’s also stopped playing her games so she decided not to change her ways and misses out on a lot. But other than my younger brother and sister, we all know the value of our family. I gave up everything for my mother and nephew and now my granddaughter. My younger brother is giving up his son for a woman who only wants his money.

My brother is not rich by any standards but he works hard and has always worked hard. He used to have a nice house and a nice truck and was able to take family vacations multiple times during the year. When he got divorced, he let it all go except for work as far as I understand. He doesn’t have to pay any alimony so that doesn’t take away from his income. I took his son, my nephew, to a theme park yesterday so he stayed the night with me. After picking him up from his mothers’ house, we stopped for pizza to take home. He confided in me that his dad, my brother, plans on selling the house and moving to Texas with his now fiance. I asked him where he would be living and he said that his dad told him he would stay with his mother. He then suddenly had to use the restroom so I know he was upset. It upset me also to know that my brother has now truly given up on his son in order to be with this woman.

We finished the visit to the theme park and I texted my brother to let him know so he could pick him up. It was stipulated that we wouldn’t stay long so that he could spend the afternoon with him. Four hours later, he showed up at my house as it was getting dark. No plans when his son asked him, just they were going back to her house for dinner. The afternoon he thought he was going to spend with his dad turned out to be dinner with her and her grandkids. He gets no time alone with him as it’s always with her family now.

As my brother sat on my couch talking about his plans, mind you he hasn’t told me that he got engaged and probably will never say it to my face, he said that he’s “fixing up his house”. So he’s cashed in forty thousand dollars of his 401k in order to do this. He says it’s to rent out because I guess he spends all of his time over there. But his son told me that she said she’s selling her place, so I know what’s going on even if he doesn’t tell me. He told his son that he’s going to move to Texas with her and work either in the oil fields or an oil rig, I didn’t understand if he said rig or field because he was upset. But you have to understand, my brother is 42 years old. He’s been with his current company almost 20 years and he should be looking at retirement. He’s too old to work in the oil field, that’s hard work and he’s not built for it. If he were in better shape I might give him the benefit of a doubt but he’s not. My sisters have come to the conclusion that she’s going to get him out there alone and kill him for an insurance policy. Because she’s worked her way through his belongings, literally destroyed his truck that he had such pride in. Taken him away from his family and his son. Taken from his weekly income as he once let it slip that he was behind on his bills in which he is always ahead of them. And now his 401k is being withdrawn from. He will have nothing left to give except his life and I think too that it is her plan and was from the beginning.

My sisters, however, don’t seem to take the same stand as I do because they “pussyfoot” around the subject when they talk or chat with him. He knows my opinion, we went for a long time and then finally blew up over the phone one day and I laid down the truth of how I feel. Since then he doesn’t bring her up to me, except if he’s telling his son in front of me. But weird how what happens now might predict the future. A little while back, he took “vacation” and they drove out to Texas. He texted me and said that if anything happened to him, make sure that his son got his stuff. Now, why would you say that if you trusted who you were with?

I’m no expert on love, I myself have only been in love once and he was not who he portrayed to me, so in reality, I loved someone that didn’t exist. But I knew enough to end it and not look back when I found out the truth. Yes, it hurt and yes I’m lonely at times, but my family is safe and for the most part, we have a roof over our heads. But during this time of being with him, I never hid our relationship nor wouldn’t speak to parts of my family about him. Everyone knew of him and met him and I never hid him because I loved who I knew even if he was bad for me.

My brother hides her from me, no matter what I think he would still talk or say her name when with me if she is such an important part of his life, right? I think he doesn’t mention her because he doesn’t feel that strongly and is afraid of being alone. But does he see that she’s draining him and taking away his son? I was in “love” but in the back of my mind I knew something was wrong so how can he not get that same feeling? I’m just confused and worried.

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About meinaboxblog

I like to think I'm a normal everyday woman but my mind tells me otherwise. I fight my battles and post them here. I don't tell my family and real life friends that I write here. This is my own little way of having "someone" to talk to. My own little therapy session if you will. I welcome comments and opinions but I have enough negativity to last a lifetime already . My world is changing and now more than ever I need support and encouragement but I'm still too afraid to let anyone know that it's me writing here.