Cold Feet and Schoolwork

I’m sitting with cold feet, listening to my granddaughter do her schoolwork. She is being home schooled while we live here. The schools that she would go to are not safe, in my opinion. When I was younger and went to school here, it wasn’t what a child should have to go to school with but it was still safer. If we didn’t do everything that we could in order to protect her, we wouldn’t be doing our job at home. It’s not a situation of being scared of everything and not exposing her to anything. But being in fear of her going to school and being killed is not something that we should worry about.

Danger and dangerous influences are everywhere, I’m not blind to that fact but there are things we can do in order to decrease her chance of falling into the percentage of kids that fall through the cracks. I explain things to her that we see on the news, I bring it down to her level when it comes to descriptions but she knows when someone goes to heaven and when someone treats another person wrong.

It saddens me that children are not allowed to be innocent for that long now. We have no choice but to put the world in front of them in order to protect them. That almost sounds like part of the problem there, taking away the innocence so young. Maybe if we had more actual children running around with their imaginations instead of weapons, we might have a resemblance of how it should be.

Being able to stand in my front yard and talk to my neighbors without worrying about who’s driving down the road and what they might do. Watching the birds outside my window should be relaxing all the time instead of interrupted by the group of strangers walking down the street and wondering why they’re looking at the houses.

I have to put my fear in hiding when around my son and granddaughter, I could never put the feeling like this into them like I have. Memories are what I try to share more with them. I show them the markings on some of the walls and tell them the story behind it. I tell them of the time when my siblings were still young and living here and how many fights we would have when one took someone else’s seat or some other silly thing. It’s only silly now because of the passing of time, it was serious business back then.

We’re getting closer to the chance to move from here so I’m hoping to create new memories in a new place. A memory of playing in the yard or having a picnic outside while not looking over my shoulder. Looking outside my window at the actual birds knowing that no one is going to always be outside trying to get in.

I’m not blind to the world, I do know that things happen everywhere, but I can at least try to find a place where it’s less likely. Hopefully that’s what I’m doing and making the right changes for my family. I have to feel my faith and know that I am being guided in the right direction. Being open to listen and receive is not my strong point but I think I’ve been getting better at it.

Isn’t there a credit commercial that has an all knowing person in it? I wish there were truly a person that knew exactly what you were supposed to do and the right thing that you were supposed to do. Someone that had your best interest in mind and not an agenda. Yes, I dream of things the way they should be, but I hope we all do because sometimes I think our dreams influence our lives.

Again I’m hoping that in the next few months, we will have changes in the right direction. I hope to look back and read this and remember where we came from and how hard we worked to make the change.

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About meinaboxblog

I like to think I'm a normal everyday woman but my mind tells me otherwise. I fight my battles and post them here. I don't tell my family and real life friends that I write here. This is my own little way of having "someone" to talk to. My own little therapy session if you will. I welcome comments and opinions but I have enough negativity to last a lifetime already . My world is changing and now more than ever I need support and encouragement but I'm still too afraid to let anyone know that it's me writing here.