In Limbo

There are so many emotions going through me right now. I feel a bit in limbo you might say. Not that I’m not making progress in things but just an overall feeling of things not moving. I know that sounds weird but to me, there is no other way to explain it.

I’m not happy nor sad this morning, just blah with my emotional chalkboard. Would this be what people mean when they say they’re “in a funk”? The weather is a bit overcast outside, maybe it’s because there isn’t any sunshine yet? Maybe if we get some sunshine, my “funk” will change for the better.

Being able to look out my window from home is both a blessing and a curse. I am blessed because it saves me on gas, clothing and outside food. But in the same sense, I want to be outside, I don’t have outside conversations any longer and the people on the phone do not count. I see people on Facebook and wonder if this is how it’s going to be forever.

My thoughts on moving have not changed but my thoughts on working from home are adapting. There’s no change until we move, so I’ll be doing this for a while, but when we move and get settled why couldn’t I look for an outside job? As long as it pays the bills and I am home in time for my granddaughter, why couldn’t I get a job outside the house again and meet real people.

Even though I work in a virtual world right now, everyone here seems to be on the younger side. Even the management is younger and takes the younger values and runs with them. This sometimes puts customer service on the back burner and that’s one of my biggest pet peeves. There are things that are overlooked because it saves time and of course, jobs are all about getting more done in a shorter amount of time, but the quality goes down. I’m not a prude nor do I point these things out to everyone because I’m not a supervisor and I need my job right now. So I think right now as far as my opinion since I’m in the minority of thinking, I’m going to keep my opinion away from my job.

Maybe that’s why I’m feeling blah today also, along with no sunshine, doing my job just doesn’t make a difference to anyone. Being so replaceable that you truly do become a number. There are video meetings sometimes but for the most part, you only see a picture of what that person has put up on their chat screen. I currently have a logo of the company so it’s not even my face. One person has a drawing that looks like Cartman from SouthPark. Others do put pictures but then you have a video meeting and realize they had to have gone to Glamour Shots or something.

No one is real anymore and no one is real to customers anymore. We don’t have to see each other face to face so the feeling of responsibility and belief in what you say is gone because you don’t feel obligated to follow through to a voice or a “non” person. My words aren’t going to change the way things are and it’s actually going to get worse. But at least I can still have my opinion on this and know that no one can take it from me. I might be quiet about it when the numbers are stacked against me but that’s just common sense of survival.

Maybe that is part of my blah issue today because just typing about it is starting to make me feel just a little less blah. Maybe now the sun will come out.

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About meinaboxblog

I like to think I'm a normal everyday woman but my mind tells me otherwise. I fight my battles and post them here. I don't tell my family and real life friends that I write here. This is my own little way of having "someone" to talk to. My own little therapy session if you will. I welcome comments and opinions but I have enough negativity to last a lifetime already . My world is changing and now more than ever I need support and encouragement but I'm still too afraid to let anyone know that it's me writing here.