The wind is howling this morning, I had hopes that the cold weather was on it’s way out. The clouds are covering the sunshine so it has the look of dusk instead of dawn outside. If the rain stays away, it would be easier to handle because the rain just seems to make it colder for some reason.
I guess the bit of warmth that we had was just a teaser for the upcoming summer, like a movie teaser before it’s released. We haven’t moved yet and so it’s going to get cold again in the house too. There is plastic up on the windows but the back half of the house doesn’t seem to care and it feels like it lets in more cold than the front. Granted, we use the back half mostly for storage but it’s still connected.
We used to use the back half of the house when the family would come down to visit. Cookouts or birthday parties, one time we even got together just to cut down a tree in the yard. As crazy as that sounds, it was still fun as a family. The last time most of us got together was to paint the house, I definitely needed help and most everyone was talking to each other then. It was fun, we put out the canopy and brought out the grill while my brother-in-law had a reason to buy a new paint gun to play with. One niece brought her husband and another nephew came that I hardly get to see anymore. We worked together, laughed and talked while the kids and grandkids played together.
I miss that feeling of having everyone around, the comfort of it. Just like I miss the warmth of summer on my face, the comfort of it. So very similar in the way it feels but two very different things to someone else looking in.
The wind blowing outside is the same feeling of everyone drifting apart. You feel it first with a slight breeze and then it picks up and you know the cold is close behind. The difference with weather and relationships is that you know eventually the weather will pass but relationships rely on the people involved and there are some pretty stubborn people in my family.
Even with myself, sometimes I have to think things over before letting go but I know it’s worth it in the end. When I was younger I missed out on a lot of time with people because of being so pigheaded. But experiencing what I have since and the loss that I have gone through, I know that nothing is worth it so much that you miss out.
I know that the sun will come back out for me and the weather will warm up again, it’s just what we have to get through. My only wish is that some relationships would do the same thing. That this is just the time that we have to get through and they too will warm up again.
When we move, I dream of having everyone over and having a cookout again but with everyone. It bothers me to think that someone would miss out and not come just because someone else is there and it’s all family. That hurts me more than any winter cold would touch my skin. I just pray for it to warm up, everywhere.