I Want to Give Up

Sometimes, in my thoughts, I feel like giving up on the entire home search. It’s taking so much out of me and making me feel like a complete failure. Is it the same for everyone who tries to buy a different house and keep their family safe? I’m embarrassed a bit but I’ll do whatever it takes for my family. I put myself out on display with a gofundme page but not one single person has even looked at it. How pitiful am I that I don’t even get a look over there? I might just take it down in case someone comments on the fact that it’s untouched by anyone looking.

I don’t have anything to sell except for the house but there are people out there with more money than what I have (of course). These people don’t seem to have to go through what I do and can just purchase a home outright. I’ve been a hard worker all my life and never gotten a break so to say like other people have. Is it because they were born into a family where they were given that open door to a high paying company or just plain born into money. Neither of these situations fit my life, I come from a mom that worked hard her entire life also. A widow at the age of 32 while having seven young children to raise. I watched her learn to drive, write checks and go back to school and work. Hard work is in my blood and what I know. But I’m learning right now that hard work doesn’t always win.

We are at a count of three houses that we’ve signed papers and tried for now. This last one didn’t get away from someone else getting the bid, however. I have a great realtor, don’t misunderstand me as I do not think all realtors are how I feel one is that we’ve come across. When we first started looking, I sent in a request on a website and a realtor emailed me. This realtor was the owner of the company and he took us to see three locations. The minute he stepped out of his truck to meet myself and my sister, we knew he was judging us. He seemed to drop all caring about what he was doing, showing houses. When we asked questions, he would say he didn’t know and would have to get back with us, meaning me. He even took us to a house that the owner didn’t know we were coming! They were very gracious about it but heavens sake, she was making dinner! Then he showed us to another home that was empty and although it wasn’t perfect, it seemed nice. I had questions again that he couldn’t answer. At the end of walking through our third house he finally asked about how I was buying a house (wouldn’t you think he would have asked that first?). I told him and he said that the empty one wouldn’t go through traditional financing but couldn’t or wouldn’t tell us why.

Well, we dropped him like a hot biscuit and didn’t call him back. I got a call from one of his minions a few weeks later saying that they’d keep an eye out for anything new on the market and give us a call. You guessed it, no call from anyone and I’ve been finding them on my own. When I found one that I really wanted to see the inside of, I contacted a different realty company and we found the realtor that I have now. He’s not a 3-piece suit kind of person and I’m thankful for that. He talks about his kids and he asks about mine. He’s gotten to know me and what I would like. That’s what a realtor should do and not judge someone just by what you think they can and cannot afford.

The empty house that wouldn’t take conventional financing came to the attention of my realtor. He asked about it and walked through it with me. I told him what happened with the other realtor as the house was still listed with that company. He said he was dealing with a different person and not the owner (still the same company). The realtor was telling him that they could do owner financing if we wanted the house. I talked it over with my sister as owner financing had never crossed my mind. Since we’re trying to get up there before next school year, I decided to go ahead and do it. So off I went with the paperwork again. Got everything in order and submitted. The next day my realtor comes back and says that the other realtor said the owner wouldn’t do owner financing? Uhm, the realtor from that company is the one that suggested it?

It got me quite angry that they misrepresented the owner that way. I told my realtor not to worry about it but I no longer want this place to be in the running and would prefer never to do any business with that company because this seems shady to me. They’re hiding something. If it were just the one owner that did what he did then I might say it’s a fluke. But when his employees do things like this? This is either rampid through the company or it still is and the owner doesn’t care because they’re part of it. I’m not going to touch anything from them because I can’t trust them. This is a huge purchase for me and the last time in my life that I will move, it has to be right.

I truly feel like my realtor gets the idea of why I’m moving and what I’m looking for. It’s just also feeling like the odds are stacked against me. I’m either not quick enough or I’m not rich enough. I just feel like giving up sometimes but I know I can’t and that stinks. Why can’t someone take care of me for a little bit? I’m tired.


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About meinaboxblog

I like to think I'm a normal everyday woman but my mind tells me otherwise. I fight my battles and post them here. I don't tell my family and real life friends that I write here. This is my own little way of having "someone" to talk to. My own little therapy session if you will. I welcome comments and opinions but I have enough negativity to last a lifetime already . My world is changing and now more than ever I need support and encouragement but I'm still too afraid to let anyone know that it's me writing here.