A Year Already?

It’s coming up on a year since I started this blog and it doesn’t seem real. I know for a little while there I was sporadic in my posting and sometimes I miss a few days now also. But I guess life just gets in the way, no, life happens and that’s what makes for a better subject the next time. I don’t remember having my bird houses outside the window last year so that is new. Heaven knows I’ve been trying to get out of this house but it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen. I’ve been through many challenges and I’ve put them all here, just laid them out for the world to see.

Why do we, blog writers, feel safer putting our lives out for strangers to read and yet we don’t share that with those that are actually in our everyday physical lives? Do we feel as though we will be judged? If so, then why are those people in our lives if they’re going to judge us? I guess we feel it’s just easier to say what we really feel if there is no one physically in front of us and I am one of those people. My fear, I think, is the part of being judged. Even though I know that someones opinion of me and my actions is nothing that should even phase me, but yet it does.

I am a creature of liking approval from others. Whether it be for my attitude or for my ability to get through a situation, I still yearn for approval. When it comes to appearance, that is a hard one. I stopped wearing makeup almost 10 years ago due to my panic attacks and it all coming off anyway when I had them. But I’ve noticed that more “strangers” seem to think I’m younger than I am when I don’t have the makeup on. I like when they call me the mom and not the grandma but it’s weird when they think my son is my husband, I normally correct them with that one.

I am overweight and not where I should be on the scale. This has been a result of my panic attacks and depression. This past year, however, being able to put things down here, it seems to help dare I say, release some of the feelings? I think this year is going to be that of physical change for me, as in weight. What started it, well I don’t really know because I’ve been living with the weight for a while now. But when I started to get closer to another number, it scared me. How could I let myself get there when I used to be so trim, never skinny but I used to work out and jog. Mom always thought I was skinny when I worked out but I never thought of myself as skinny. With being a person that has had weight issues all her life, when I was working out I guess I can see why she would say skinny.

About 4 weeks ago, before my brothers health issues, I stopped eating breads and pasta. I didn’t read anything or research, I just did it one day. And that one day turned into another and so on. I then started looking into it and found a Facebook group for Keto as one of my friends had said something about doing it a while back. The pictures that this group was posting seemed really doable for me. Now with my brothers issues, I’ve only truly been removing the breads and pastas but had no choice when the only option was a slice of pizza one day. But back on the boat right after that!

Yesterday I went to my doctor to get checked out, he had placed me on a new med so we had to see how it was doing. I was down 10 pounds from a month ago, just by taking out the breads and pasta! I purchased a Keto book that someone from the Keto group suggested and so far I love it. My doctor suggested watching a movie on Netflix called The Magic Pill, I did and it too was very informative. I was wondering if children can do this and they actually showed children. My doctor said that a lot of children are on it also. I think I would still let her enjoy things just for childhood sake but I don’t see why the basic idea of it wouldn’t be okay for her to join me in doing. My son is another issue, I have watched him also gain weight along with me and it’s my own fault. My depression has had a direct toll on him and now his habits might be harder to break than my own.

Last night I talked about making a family change to this but he didn’t respond as in giving me an answer. Maybe I should just do it and that’s that. It’s going to be so hard to pull him off of sweets but they show recipes to make chocolate still so I think he can still get his “fix” for sweets in. If it’s a household change then it should work out better but they are so set on breads for breakfast like pancakes and waffles….he likes toaster strudels. All sugar for him so it’s going to be a huge thing if I can get it done.

Please wish me luck and if you have any personal suggestions, I would love to hear them!

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About meinaboxblog

I like to think I'm a normal everyday woman but my mind tells me otherwise. I fight my battles and post them here. I don't tell my family and real life friends that I write here. This is my own little way of having "someone" to talk to. My own little therapy session if you will. I welcome comments and opinions but I have enough negativity to last a lifetime already . My world is changing and now more than ever I need support and encouragement but I'm still too afraid to let anyone know that it's me writing here.