The living room is quiet tonight as I’m the only one awake right now. Today I sent over the paperwork that agrees to sell the house, it’s not closing but it’s the next best thing so far. I don’t know how I feel, maybe numb.
I’ve let the family know that the house is sold and I’m not sure that they truly thought I was truly going to do it. I asked if anyone would like to see the house before we move out and so far, only one sister has said yes. I know that they might not have the same feelings for it that I do since they moved out a long time ago, but I just don’t understand how they couldn’t remember the memories.
We’ve set the moving time as October 1 – 5th so we have a month to get everything worked out and packed. We don’t have much so there’s not much to pack and as far as the appliances, well, they’re really not good enough to take with us. We have a freezer chest that we’ll take but I can’t think of anything else. Everything else is in boxes, we truly don’t have much.
The quantity of what we have is our family and the memories we share together. We’re clearing part of the land where we’re moving to and there’s going to be a “burn pile” for what we’re taking down. We were talking about taking hot dogs to make the most of it and there we are making more memories.
I’m still sad and nervous but I know it will be the best move for my granddaughter, she will thrive in a different place. Why can’t it just be easier to do, it’s taken so long and hurt so much along the way. So many times I thought we were getting close to this and now it really looks like it’s happening, I mean how can we back up from selling the house?
Tomorrow I will probably get an email response from sending in the paperwork and I don’t think I’m scared about getting it. Am I starting to be okay with it? Is this what it feels like? Am I turning my back on what this house means to me by feeling this way? I think that is what I worry about, I wish I would have a dream or something and have the chance to ask my mother how she would feel about this.
I guess it’s still a one day at a time thing for now but still make sure to be packed. I am nervous about the move but so far that’s it right now….that could change tomorrow.