Wishes, Hopes and Dreams

The days seem to move a little faster now and I worry about all the things that I’m going to forget. There’s so much to do here and also where we are moving to. It’s not a move in ready kind of place and it does need a lot of work, it’s the only way we could get out of this place without any outside help. I did lower my pride and ask for help but I guess no one thinks I am worthy of their help. It’s okay, it has turned me a bit cold to when others ask for help, I tend to compare them to my situation now and it never used to be that way.

I have to work harder to be able to drive two hours at least once a week (one way) to go up there and clean and get it at least where we can move in. There are so many things to do here and I’m throwing away a lot of things that I never thought I would just because I can’t take it with me and well, I guess we just accumulate when we live somewhere for so long. So now, when I see someone asking for money, I tend to think to myself first that if they just worked a little harder, would they be able to get through. I’m not talking about a big change, but just to get through because I feel like that’s what I’ve been doing in order to get to the next step. I’m working so hard just to make it through to the next step and when I asked for help (monetarily) no one helped or even offered. So to look at someone now, it’s changed me and I don’t know if I like that part or not.

My sister has always helped with moral support and doing things when they can but I wouldn’t ever take money from her with all that she’s been having to go through lately herself. We’ve become so much closer these past few years and I’m very blessed for this, I don’t know what I would do without her.

I haven’t heard back from the people buying the house yet, I signed the papers and they are supposed to schedule a contractor to come out and then we close on the 1st. I guess I should reach out and make sure it’s all okay. I would hate to get to the moving date and they back out or something. I guess I have just been thinking of all the things that could go wrong and I don’t like doing that, I just want to think good thoughts.

With the help of my sister, we’ve already moved my old truck up to her house, see how she helps me. This way I don’t have to worry about getting something to tow it with. I have to keep my car empty because I have to create a calm environment to transport my “grandma kitties”. I think I worry about them the most, they are 12 year old sisters and it’s a long ride for them so I really don’t want to stress them out. Besides medication, if you have any suggestions, I would love to know?

If I get everything ready for a Sunday move then I know my brother would drive the moving truck for me but if it’s during the week then he’ll have to work so I have to think how to do these things because I have no one else besides myself that can drive a truck. I can only take off that Sunday through Wednesday to get moved and then have to be up and ready for work on Thursday. So it’s a lot in my head and I just wish there were someone here that could help me with getting this done. My son is here but he’s never had a big move before and …well, it’s just different when you have someone that’s older than you that is making the plans. I think you feel safer when you’re not the oldest one, like when you still have a parent to bounce ideas off of, it’s completely different. Besides my sister, I have no one to bounce these off of with me.

I just pray that everything comes together in the end and we get the new (new to us) place ready to move in and cleaned up. Then we get everything here set and move in one easy step (yeah right, LOL). Wishes, hopes and dreams.

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About meinaboxblog

I like to think I'm a normal everyday woman but my mind tells me otherwise. I fight my battles and post them here. I don't tell my family and real life friends that I write here. This is my own little way of having "someone" to talk to. My own little therapy session if you will. I welcome comments and opinions but I have enough negativity to last a lifetime already . My world is changing and now more than ever I need support and encouragement but I'm still too afraid to let anyone know that it's me writing here.