I can’t believe my life these past couple of days! It’s a mind-numbing feeling when you have to deal with family members in a way that you would a non family member. It’s heartbreaking at the same time but if it has to be done, what can you do?

Where we moved to, my older brother lived here and said at first that he needed 6 weeks to get an apartment and moved, so we actually set the date of our house selling out 8 weeks to make sure that he had the time he needed to move. As we got closer to the date, he then said he might need to be here at least two weeks after we moved in. I went along with it, not happy but I went along with it. We moved in and cleaned as best we could with him here and taking up more than half of the house with his things.

I sterilized the kitchen and replaced the appliances as the old ones were horrible beyond description. We actually lived out of a chest freezer, cooler and an air fryer for two weeks because of waiting for the appliances and cleaning the kitchen. We were able to clean one of the bathrooms and replace the “facilities” so that we have one to use. Other than that, we’ve been living out of one bedroom waiting for him to move, this includes the two cats that I have.

This past weekend, the Friday night was when it started. He had come home early from work, again. He’d been missing a horrible amount of days work and I just felt as though he was going to get fired. He would come home, sleep and then go out at night. He went to a gentleman club to put it nicely because I don’t think this is one of the upscale ones. I’m not a prude, I’ve been into a club but of a more respectable venue. That was a lot of years ago but still, I don’t judge as long as you have your stuff together and bills paid, I say do what you want as long as it’s not hurting anyone else.

Well, he was hurting me and my family and as I see it, using me. He would say he was going to work the next day and never did and it’s no stretch to say that the entire time we were here together, he maybe went to work a full day, four times if that. I tried to help and offered suggestions but I’m realizing that you can’t help someone that doesn’t know they need help.

So Friday, he came home early and I stayed working. A few hours later as my shift was wrapping up, he stuck his head in my door and said he was going out for a bit. I remember telling him that he didn’t want to know what was going through my head and then it’s like my feelings just vomited all out to him at once. I told him that he had to be out and that there are plenty of rent by the week if he needed. Now I’m not as horrible as it sounds because he’s been dragging me a long for a while saying that the apartment complex was getting back to him. Other times when I told him he needed to stop by there, he would say that they were sick and a note was on the door. I’m sorry, but if they truly are doing this then you don’t need to rent there and you’ve had over three months to find a place. Being near a college town, you can know that there are plenty of places to rent here.

So Saturday came around and I started working as I normally would, I watched him out the window leave and drive away. Not long after, the internet connection was gone. No loss of power, still logged into wifi. Called the provider, no outages in the area. I had a suspicion that since he left, that he had something to do with it, it was still his old modem I took over the account though (in my name) and pay the bill. When he came back, I played like it didn’t bother me but it actually infuriated me. This was one of those days that you prove to your children that you practice what you preach. Even though he did that to me and put my job in jeopardy, I acted like it was nothing and that I didn’t even know. I told him that I called out so he had no idea. He played stupid and came in to make a call (to get rid of the junk vehicles) and said “oh, internet is down”. Really?

He then left again saying that he had to pick up the moving truck…. 2 1/2 hours later he returns with one. I guess he thought I was going to move things but nope, he got a taste of his own medicine. When we were cleaning up in order to move in, I don’t know how many cigarette breaks he took and how many ways he learned to “look busy” but not this time. I stood back and watched while he moved his things. My son helped him but even he had him help. I think he smoked three cigarettes during the loading of it. I was so angry but I wanted him out more than I wanted to yell.

We followed him to the storage unit and helped him get it offloaded. As we’re getting ready to leave, he tells me to call the internet provider and tells me exactly what to ask them to do, so that just proved to me what I was thinking and he did do it. He says to me “We’re good?”, even though I don’t trust him anymore, I don’t hate him. We’re good but he’s not welcome to come back here and live after this. If he’s willing to put my job on the line and not think twice about it, no, I don’t need that energy around here.

My brother-in-law came over and looked at it and indeed it could be done remotely. We changed the locks on the door and got a new lock for the fence. I have a security system coming today and also solar powered lights for outside. So I’m doing what I need to do to protect my family. Now I just need to get rid of these two junk vehicles and all of the junk still left in a shed outside…that could be another big cost to the junk hauling company, I’m not sure yet.

So hopefully I keep my job, I haven’t talked to my supervisor yet but that is this afternoon. I pray I do but I have no control over it right now. I know that I’m a survivor, have been all my life, and no matter what comes my way, I’ll get through it.

Wish me luck.


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About meinaboxblog

I like to think I'm a normal everyday woman but my mind tells me otherwise. I fight my battles and post them here. I don't tell my family and real life friends that I write here. This is my own little way of having "someone" to talk to. My own little therapy session if you will. I welcome comments and opinions but I have enough negativity to last a lifetime already . My world is changing and now more than ever I need support and encouragement but I'm still too afraid to let anyone know that it's me writing here.