After Midnight and It’s Quiet

It’s after midnight here and the living room is quiet, except for re-runs of Shark Tank to keep me company. Every day since being let go of my job, I’ve been searching non-stop but with no reply as of right now. It’s interesting to see how things have changed when giving information to companies. I know that they can’t ask you your age, at least not straight out but now they ask for a drivers license number and of course that has your birth year in it, thus giving them your age.

You might know that I’m not a spring chicken but I’m not exactly dirt either. Having been through a lot of experiences in my life so far, I think I’m qualified for a lot of things. But while making it through all of the life experiences, this took away from what employers are looking for, higher education. I’ve always been one to put others before myself, mainly family and I wouldn’t ever change that. However, this seems to really be biting me in the butt now.

Anyone that knows me, knows that I will do whatever it takes to provide for my family even if that means working in fast food in which I hate doing. I love customer service but have never felt I was very good at serving food outside of my own kitchen. We’ll see where I end up but I’m trying to keep my hopes up.

It’s a bit weird sitting in my living room while there is nothing but silence outside. Not hearing the sound of cars going down the road or someone walking, is something that I’m still getting used to.

I’ve talked about us clearing the land of brush and trees and the hard work is paying off. Before losing my job, I purchased a really good priced security camera   for the outside of the house. This was a bit of my fear of where we used to live and also a bit of people saying that there are bears here (I haven’t seen one yet). My son put them up for me and it’s been a bit amusing watching them. Right now I’m watching the waves of fog start to roll in and it looks weird, a bit like a ghost looking wave of white. Last week, my son was looking back at the footage from the night and we were surprised to see two deer show up in our backyard! That’s a lot because before we started clearing, there’s no way that they would have had access to it. I want so badly for them to come back but I don’t want the bears that people talk about.

I just realized that the front door wasn’t locked and it freaked me out a little. Although I can see the camera, it’s still scary. We don’t get many cars driving by here, if they do we know that they’re either really lost or looking for a place to dump trash. I’ve contacted the county a few times and had them come out and clean up the dumped trash down the street but it always comes back and they really don’t do such a great job cleaning it up. I never knew just how dirty people are when it comes to their trash. The “dump” is truly not even a mile a way, it’s where we take our trash but they want to find a place to dump it instead of driving up to a green container and throwing it in. Am I missing something?

Hopefully all of this hard work will pay off and what I leave for my son and granddaughter will be something worth leaving. It’s scary to have to provide for someone else when you don’t see providing for yourself at this time. Maybe if I had a solid job offer or even responses, I might feel better.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and something good will happen. Maybe I can win the lottery, wouldn’t that be a quick fix (I’m kidding, I know that’s a dream).

Now that I know what the house sounds like at 1 am in the morning, I’m finally getting sleepy. I hope this wasn’t just a ramble and I hope to have better news when I write again. This just makes me feel not so alone while going through it all. I would never burden my son with how much I worry but he does know about the job situation.

Let’s just hope that with it being so quiet, the universe can hear me better tonight. Hope you sleep well, g’nite.

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About meinaboxblog

I like to think I'm a normal everyday woman but my mind tells me otherwise. I fight my battles and post them here. I don't tell my family and real life friends that I write here. This is my own little way of having "someone" to talk to. My own little therapy session if you will. I welcome comments and opinions but I have enough negativity to last a lifetime already . My world is changing and now more than ever I need support and encouragement but I'm still too afraid to let anyone know that it's me writing here.