Silent Universe

How can a large family have different roles and the younger siblings seem to have the most common sense responsibilities? One would think that the older children would be the ones to take on the roles of keeping the family together once the parents have passed on. It seems my family is just thrown all out of wack because the older siblings don’t seem to know that they need to step up.

At a young age, I knew that I was going to be the one to care for her when she was ill. This never bothered me because to me, this was a blessing in hindsight. The opportunity of getting to know her as my friend came with the responsibility of being there for her.  While my older siblings left the house, got married and had kids of their own, I was home with my mother trying to help the two of us survive.

Since my mother passed, the older siblings just seemed to keep on doing their own thing. We’ve recently moved this past six months and that has made it easier for me to see two of my sisters but only one comes over to us. The other sister, well, I just don’t understand what’s going on because I’ve asked her to come over and it just doesn’t happen. My older brother suffers from depression as I do but he doesn’t seem to have it under control. I’ve tried to reach out to him but he refuses to answer me back. He seems to have contact with my younger brother but that is it.

My older brother makes really good money, more than double what I used to make before. But with his depression, he misses a lot of work so it’s my understanding that he lost where he was staying. My older sisters know this and yet I’ve not seen nor heard one of them offer him to come into their home. I’ve tried to contact him to see if he truly has nowhere to stay but I don’t know where he is or what his situation is because he refuses to answer me.

I do still have to live every day and provide for my immediate family but I could at least offer him a roof to be under if he needed. He would have to go to work because I’m not truly making the bills as it is so with one more mouth to feed and electricity to pay for, that could truly break the bank. I just don’t know what to do.

It seems that the most trying times in my life have always been things that I’ve had to experience alone. The responsibilities of paperwork while my mother was in the hospital and the time of her passing. The lawyers afterwards and the fighting to save the house when the state wanted to take it. My surgery after loss of blood, having them ask if anyone was waiting for me truly hurt when I had to say no. No one was concerned enough to be there when I came out of surgery.

Trying to get through to my older brother is something that again I seem to be doing on my own. I don’t know the area well enough to drive around and find him so I’m not sure how this is going to turn out but we’re not getting any younger. It just boggles my mind though that my other older siblings don’t seem bothered or willing to stop their lives for just a moment to reach out to him.

I wish I knew someone that had gone through this and could give me some advice. I have no idea how to figure this out and could sure use someone to talk to.

Guess it’s just me and the silent universe again tonight.

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About meinaboxblog

I like to think I'm a normal everyday woman but my mind tells me otherwise. I fight my battles and post them here. I don't tell my family and real life friends that I write here. This is my own little way of having "someone" to talk to. My own little therapy session if you will. I welcome comments and opinions but I have enough negativity to last a lifetime already . My world is changing and now more than ever I need support and encouragement but I'm still too afraid to let anyone know that it's me writing here.